🧠My Personal Journey: Social Rejection, Feeling “Different,” and the Deep Need for Real Connection / FLYERDOC WEBLOG
🌑 When I First Realized Something Felt “Off”
Around the age of 20, I started noticing a shift inside me.
My thoughts became louder, my emotions heavier, and the world around me started to feel distant — like I was watching life through a glass window.
I wasn’t sure if others felt this way too, or if it was just me.
But the more I looked around, the more I sensed that I didn’t fit in the same way everyone else seemed to.
I felt present, but not connected.
Visible, but not seen.
Surrounded, yet alone.
🤍 What Social Rejection Really Feels Like
I used to believe rejection was obvious — someone saying “no,” or walking away.
But real rejection is quieter.
It’s the messages left on read.
It’s friendships fading without explanation.
It’s people who stop matching your energy.
It’s being included but not valued.
The painful part isn’t the action itself — it’s the way it makes you question your worth.
I remember sitting in my room, replaying conversations, wondering if I said something wrong.
Wondering if my presence was annoying.
Wondering why I felt different from everyone else.
The truth?
I cared too much, and the world cared too little.
💔 Feeling “Foolish,” “Broken,” or “Different”
These words lived in my mind more than I’d like to admit.
Sometimes I felt foolish for loving deeply.
Sometimes I felt broken for being sensitive.
Sometimes I felt different for wanting deeper connections when everyone else seemed fine with shallow ones.
I thought my emotions were the problem.
I thought my need for understanding made me weak.
I thought my “too much” was the reason people drifted away.
But with time, I learned something important:
I wasn’t broken — I was just real.
And real people often scare those who only know how to live on the surface.
🧩 Understanding Why I Feel This Way
I’ve always been the type who feels everything intensely.
I notice tiny details — tone changes, half-hearted replies, distant behavior.
I pick up on things others ignore.
It’s exhausting sometimes.
Not because the feelings are wrong, but because I’m surrounded by people who don’t feel the same way.
And when you’re emotionally aware in an emotionally unavailable world, you end up believing you’re the strange one.
But now I see it differently:
My depth isn’t a flaw.
It’s a form of intelligence.
A form of empathy.
A sign of awareness.
🌱 The Need for Authentic Connection
More than anything, I crave something real.
Not small talk.
Not temporary friendships.
Not fake effort.
Not connections that disappear overnight.
I want conversations that stay with me.
People who value loyalty.
Moments where I don’t have to explain myself.
Relationships where silence feels comfortable, not awkward.
I’ve learned that I’m not meant for surface-level connections.
My heart wants something deeper — something honest, something steady.
And while that means fewer people in my life, it also means the right people.
🌤️ Learning to Choose Myself
I used to chase people.
Now I choose myself.
I used to blame myself for every distance.
Now I understand that some people simply cannot meet me emotionally.
I used to think sensitivity was a weakness.
Now I see it as a strength very few have.
Healing hasn’t been quick.
Some days I still feel misunderstood.
Some days I still question myself.
But I’m learning.
I’m evolving.
I’m accepting who I am — without apology.
✨ My Truth Today
I’m 20, still figuring life out, but I know this much:
I am not broken.
I am not foolish.
I am not “too much.”
I am simply real — and real people often walk alone until they find others like them.
And that’s okay.
Until then, I’ll keep growing.
I’ll keep feeling deeply.
I’ll keep valuing connection.
And most importantly…
I’ll keep being myself.
— FLYERDOC
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